A SAGE

This intriguing stock theory is said to have originated from the desk of John A. Millard of Shearman & Sterling in New York:

"If you had bought $1,000 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.

"With Enron, you would have $16.50 of the original $1,000.

"With WorldCom, you would have less than $5 left.

"If you had bought $1,000 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not the stock) one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the 5-cent deposit, you would have $107.

"Based on the above, my current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle."